1. Don't you wanna see how hot your cute distant cousin whom you haven't seen for ages has grown into?

2. Think of the iPhone 6, 7 and 8 you can buy with all those hongbaos you'll be getting.

3. Man, it's going to be your lucky year since everybody keeps calling you "Horseface".

4. Relax, the MCE (Marina Coastal Expressway) is okay to go through now. At most, the CNY jam will only last about five hours.

5. Hello, Uncle Ah Kow! How are you? Long time no see... Er, can I borrow $10,000?

6. Big fan of Zoe Tay, Fann Wong and all things Channel 8? Unlike the angmoh New Year TV show, the Chinese New Year countdown show is guaranteed to be officially super-cheena.

7. Now, if you shop at Golden Mile Complex in Beach Road and then head straight to Sentosa, wouldn't that be the same as going to Phuket?

8. Be patriotic. Think of the contribution to our GDP if you spend all your CNY money here.