Lifehacks - you want them, I have them. These are my first annual collection of truly Singaporean lifehacks so you can do more, better and faster.
• Save time by combining a train ride with acupressure therapy! Push your way into the 8.30am MRT train at Tanah Merah station and you might meet the lady who worked magic on my ribcage with her elbow all the way to Paya Lebar station.
• Learn public speaking - on the move! Hop on the packed 9 bus at 8.20am just before Tanah Merah station and you might meet the middle-aged man whose many shopping bags spill into the walkway. Brush against any of them and you will learn the art of public debate in no time!
Not sure if your laptop can handle today's demanding video games? Log into the Singapore Airlines website and click on Manage Your Booking and use the Upgrade Using Miles option. The "waiting to load" spinning icon will spin for days, stress-testing your machine for free!
Fight dementia with memory and finger dexterity games! Call the Singapore Airlines customer hotline, where you will be asked to remember passwords and booking reference codes, then shunted into menus, sub-menus and sub-sub-menus by the cunning gamemaster. Fun for hours!
Enjoy the pleasure of living in the future - today! Carry three MRT cards at all times. When you tap out at the turnstile, make sure to use the wrong one, then search your bag for the right one while those in the queue behind you admire your commitment to a cashless lifestyle!
ST ILLUSTRATION: MIEL
Can't decide what to eat for dinner? Jump into any bus in Bedok Central at 7pm and smell what others are packing home, it will help you make up your mind!
• Extend the air-conditioned comfort of your taxi ride! Ask your taxi driver if he agrees with the Government, and your 30-minute ride will feel like 30 hours!
• Relish the exotic thrill of being treated like a foreigner by speaking to the taxi driver in good English.
Turn your drive into a trip down memory lane! When you check the estimated drive times on the electronic billboards at the expressway entrance, pretend that it is 1992 and they will suddenly become accurate!
• Get fit quicker with a faster jogging pace! Use the zebra crossing or green man crossing when a BMW driver is trying to use the road, he will have you running flat out.
• Use bicycles for a fun fitness experience! Jog around all the tipped-over oBikes and ofo bikes in your neighbourhood.
Turn your boring walk into a fun game! When you see a senior on a rusty bike or a child on an e-scooter barrelling down at you, do not give way and watch the delightful look of surprise on their faces!
Relive the thrill of teenage love! Spice up a dull marriage by taking your loved one to Starbucks, dumping books and papers all over your table and nursing one coffee from 2pm till closing time!
A version of this article appeared in the print edition of The Sunday Times on October 29, 2017, with the headline 'Making hacks part of your life'. Print Edition | Subscribe
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