CNY Survival Guide 2014: 8 ways to deflect pesky aunty’s questions about why you’re not married

(For single women)

1. Ask when was the last time her husband of 20 years with the kopitiam beer belly actually saw his toes.

2. Show those fantastic Instagram vacation photos you took of the amazing places you went to all by yourself.

3. Explain to her precisely how expensive divorce lawyers are these days.

4. Show her a photo of Ryan Gosling and say you’re keeping yourself a faithful virgin for that dude.

5. Tell her how great it is to be single and have plenty of deposits you can readily use in both the savings bank and the sperm bank.

6. Introduce her to your dog, Husky, which you sometimes inadvertently call “Hubby”.

7. Bring her out for a drive in your brand new two-seater sports car and remind her that it’s equivalent to the cost of about, oh, three children.

8) Three simple words - “I am gay”.