CNY Survival Guide 2014: 8 tips to spring-cleaning your home

1. Follow the smell. Get rid of the dead cat under the sofa first.

2. Don’t break the law. Read the news. You must pay the cleaner at least $1,000 now.

3. To create more room for you to spring clean, remove every piece of junk first... except your mother-in-law.

4. Harry Potter is a liar. Don’t believe him. You still need to do all the work because that broom of yours isn't going to move on its own.

5. Use a large pail to store your soap water. If one’s not available, a 20-piece chicken bucket from KFC will do.

6. Do not, we repeat, do not throw the couch out of the window. A couch is strictly for sitting. Not for flying.

7. Do not be too sentimental. Don’t be too attached to things. Unless it's your life-support ventilator.

8. Aiyah, just don’t invite anybody to your place lor. Photoshop your “my beautiful home” pics on Facebook. Problem solved.