PUMA: THE 1950 GHOST IS IN BRAZIL
Man, this is my absolute favourite World Cup commercial. So cryptic. So cheap-looking. So nuts. And oh, so prophetic. When Brazil last hosted the World Cup in 1950, they did not win the trophy, losing to Uruguay.
Puma, which kits up to eight teams in this year's tournament including Uruguay, sees it fit to taunt Brazilians over that trauma. They got some guy to wear a cheap Uruguay-blue cloth to freak out half of Rio de Janeiro before entering the Maracana stadium like a mad, carefree spirit.
It's breathtakingly hilarious because in 57 seconds, this ad summarises the entire meaning of this World Cup for the Brazilians. Imagine the German poltergeist scaring the c**p out of them for the next 100 years.
Rating: *****
ADIDAS: THE WAKE-UP CALL
Lionel Messi, the superstar of Argentina, just wakes up in his bed. He texts "Que pasa?" ("What's happening?" in Spanish) to Robin van Persie (The Netherlands), Dani Alves (Brazil) and Luis Suarez (Uruguay) among others, and they all lie to him: "Nothing."
In fact, they're all already doing some hardcore Rocky-style training. It's like exam time in Singapore: Everyone's mugging but no one wants to admit it.
Luckily, Messi is so good he still mesmerises the crowds despite being a late starter. Adidas' slogan is "All in or nothing". But maybe it should be "Never trust a footballer".
Rating: ****
COCA-COLA: ONE WORLD, ONE GAME
From the Amazonian jungle to desolate Eastern Europe to war-torn Palestine to tsunami-ravaged Japan, groups of youths are shown finding joy in playing football.
Out of nowhere, a delivery man comes into the picture and hands them an invitation to the World Cup as though it is the golden ticket from Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory. They're off to Rio de Janeiro, courtesy of Coca-Cola.
"Everybody's invited", goes the company's tagline. Really? Surely, they can't be inviting Pepsi people, right?
Rating: ****1/2
NATIONAL COUNCIL ON PROBLEM GAMBLING
A bunch of boys talk about which teams they are supporting in the World Cup 2014.
One of them, Andy, looks forlorn as he says he wants Germany to win - because his dad bet all the boy's savings on it.
Okay, what joke have you not already heard about it, in the wake of Germany's 7-1 annihilation of Brazil in the semi-finals? Even talkshow host Jimmy Fallon in the United States has taken a crack at it.
In Singapore, regardless of which team you support, everyone's gonna remember this of the World Cup 2014. Wanna bet?
Rating: ***
BANCO DE CHILE (BANK OF CHILE)
This ad assembles the tough miners of the 2010 Copiapo mining accident in Chile to pump up their footballers with a fearless survivalist mentality. Those fellas were trapped deep underground for 69 days.
Backed by Gladiator-movie music and actual scenes of their epic rescue, their fired-up spokesman, "Super" Mario Sepulveda, issues a rousing call to arms.
"Spain is hard? Holland is hard? We are not afraid of death group. We don't care the death because the death we have beaten before," he rallies his countrymen to get out of their initial Group Of Death.
It worked because Chile advanced from the group to the next round, only to lose unluckily to Brazil on penalties.
I believe England is trying to find some survivors of the Titanic for the next World Cup.
Rating:****
NIKE: THE LAST GAME
Think of this 61/2-minute animated short film as Stephen Chow's Shaolin Soccer meets the 2004 Pixar hit The Incredibles. Actually, this ad isn't about the World Cup, but it does get you excited about it.
Ronaldo (the fat Brazilian one) sees his beloved game turned into a lifeless nightmare played by clones. Human football stars lose the job they love and turn to other means of income: Cristiano Ronaldo (the dashing, narcissistic Portuguese) is a mannequin. Neymar and David Luiz are hairdressers. Wayne Rooney (England) is a dockworker. The fatter Ronaldo rounds them up for one final, winner-takes-all game against the clones.
But the funniest thing about this, in hindsight, is that no player from Germany or Argentina, the two World Cup 2014 finalists, is featured here. They're sponsored by adidas, Nike's biggest rival. Guess real life isn't a cartoon, huh?
Rating: *****
BEATS BY DRE: THE GAME BEFORE THE GAME
Brazil's great hope, Neymar, speaks to his father on the phone. "Run like it is the last day of your life, run like you're a crazy man chasing happiness," his dad tells him amid scenes of Brazil's urban slums and motorcycle cops. I thought I was watching the sequel to the 2002 acclaimed Brazilian crime thriller City Of God.
While the world prepares for the World Cup in assorted ways, Neymar, Javier Hernandez (Mexico), Cesc Fabregas (Spain) and even non-football players LeBron James and Serena Williams sway to a Jay-Z remix of the thumping anthem, Jungle.
In the wake of Brazil's 1-7 humiliation at the feet of the Germans, Neymar, who missed the game due to injury, will want to give all his teammates a pair of these headphones each to shut out the jeers, jibes and criticism.
Rating: ***1/2
TAM AIRLINES
Despite the best efforts of the natives of England, France and Spain to prevent Brazilian footballers David Luiz, Thiago Silva and Marcelo from getting to the World Cup in Brazil, Brazilian carrier TAM Airlines will always bring them home. The funniest sight is that of a desperate Luiz caught without transportion in the streets of London with a brolly.
After that semi-final massacre by Germany, will TAM fly Luiz and company the heck out of Brazil with the same urgent efficiency too?
Rating: ****
KIA MOTORS: ADRIANA LIMA - FOOTBALL VS FUTBOL
A team of schoolboys are practising American football on a field. A gleaming white Kia car from South Korea comes onto the pitch. Out steps Victoria's Secret super-gorgeous Brazilian model Adriana Lima.
"In my country, this is futbol," she coos.
"For one month, let's all be futbol fans," the caption says in this quick, steamy ad. We're pretty sure American men would give up at least one ball for her.
Rating: ***1/2
GERMAN BEER AD
Still haven't watched the historic World Cup match between Brazil and Germany?
This TV ad is the perfect metaphor and substitute for it.
A fancy-schmancy orange cocktail in a pretty glass topped with a little Brazilian flag is brutally crushed by a mug of German beer. It's all over in 10 seconds - which was slightly shorter than the time it took Germany to slay Brazil in the semi-finals.
Rating: *****
