Merlion's birthday wishes

Visitors gather around the iconic Merlion statue for photographs at the Marina bay waterfront in Singapore on Aug 13, 2015.
Visitors gather around the iconic Merlion statue for photographs at the Marina bay waterfront in Singapore on Aug 13, 2015. PHOTO: AFP

The Singapore icon celebrated its 43rd birthday on Tuesday. Life grabbed a copy of its supersecret 10 wishes

1 Can someone get me some sunscreen, please? Or an umbrella? I know I look like I haven't aged a day, but honestly, the blazing sun is doing nothing for my complexion.

2 I'd appreciate if Singaporeans could stop saying my lion's mane has no volume. I made long hair cool in the 1970s, okay - way before Jared Leto!

3 Could a Merlion family reunion be arranged at some point? I've heard one of my relatives who lives in Sentosa is doing really well for himself.

4 I wish someone would just turn me 45 degrees to the left during F1 so I could watch some of the action too. It's so near yet so far!

5 Attention, tourists: Could you guys stop taking photos of the Marina Bay Sands without me in it? I'm the original attraction! I'm the national icon!


PHOTO: ST FILE

6 And when you do kindly include me in your pictures, please stop making it look as if I am spewing water into your mouth. That's just gross, not to mention unimaginative. Go to a 3-D art museum for those cheesy snaps.

7 Given that I have to stand here and watch the sky light up with fireworks every time it's Singapore's birthday, isn't it time there were some fireworks for my birthday too?

8 Oh, speaking of birthday presents, can someone get me an N95 mask already?

9 I would really appreciate it if, henceforth, no one brings up my not-so-glamorous origins as the brainchild of bureaucrats tasked to create a tourist bait.

10 Insurance companies, please stop sending me forms to upgrade my ElderShield plan.

A version of this article appeared in the print edition of The Sunday Times on September 20, 2015, with the headline 'Merlion's birthday wishes'. Print Edition | Subscribe