I keep thinking of the Minions as cute, yellow goggle-wearing toys that I fought people to grab in McDonald's. They are actually more despicable than that. I mean, who are they? What are they? Can I have 100 of them bringing my coffee?
In this endearingly enlightening short-history clip, their origin is revealed as the little slaves from Despicable Me (2010) are shown rising from the sea during the dinosaur era of Jurassic Dumb And Dumber to serve their first proto-nasty master - a Tyrannosaurus Rex which, unfortunately, falls into a volcano.
"Finding a master was easy; keeping a master, that's where things got tricky," explains the narrator who is not Morgan Freeman.
Along the way, they topple a pyramid onto a pharaoh, fire a cannon at Napoleon and, funniest of all, accidentally poof out Dracula with cheery sunlight on his 357th birthday.
Three of them set out on a wishful quest across land, ocean and insane bungles to find the "biggest, baddest villain to serve" in a Lord Of The Shrink saga.
I don't know what gibberish these little nuts are yakking, but their mini-epic trailer here is more educational as a history of spectacular disasters than an encyclopaedia.
STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS
This is the exorcism trailer. One, it has to banish the trauma of those awful prequels, Star Wars: Episodes I to III, to the darkest corners of the universe where even the Sith Lords cannot reach.
Two, it has to raise the spirits - pardon the pun - of the hordes of devotees dreaming of their dustbins turning into R2D2 who are waiting for a sign that the Force is not just back, but it is back, fat and hungry like Jabba the Hutt.
Evidence A is the Millennium Falcon. I tell you, the instant you see it zooming into the picture against imperial aircraft, you get goose bumps the way Luke Skywalker found out Darth Vader was his dad.
Evidence B is the new black-clad baddie, I call him Darth Robe, with the new crucifix-style light sabre which isn't recommended for wrist flickers.
Evidence C is Oscar-class actor, Oscar Isaac, piloting an X-Wing fighter, and perhaps getting tips from unseen returnees, Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford and pals.
Evidence D is me watching this teaser over and over just to hear the sound, fury and music, and knowing somehow with a tingling sensation that this time, for this first sequel directed by uber- doer, J.J. Abrams, that everything will turn out so stupendously amazing that I, and many millions, will be talking about sand cities and building sand castles for the next 50 years. Yes. I am this thrilled.
Tay Yek Keak