CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR
Wow, is this what it is like when you witness a family quarrel at a Chinese New Year reunion? I mean, this terrific trailer is decorated with superheroes and the Marvel equivalent of exciting hongbao, but nobody is cracking a smile here.
If you have been stuck in a cave or are a diehard Superman-Batman DC Comics fan, here is the deal. Team Cap - led by Captain America (Chris Evans) and believing in liberty, freedom and all those true-blue American values - fights Team Iron - led by Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr, above), who thinks the government should have more control over superheroes.
You know, kinda like independent Donald Trump vs establishment Hillary Clinton in differing opinions on democracy. The clip is full of great combat, stare-downs, match-ups - Black Panther vs Winter Soldier - and very serious looks on folks smelling one billion dollars at the box office.
I mean, it is like two good guys in a WWE showdown. You know it is rigged to please, but you still have to watch it. All the way to the money footage of Cap and his tortured rock-star pal, the Winter Soldier (Sebastian Stan), ganging up on poor Iron Man in a thrilling spat among friends.
"Do you really want to punch your way out of this?" Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) asks Captain America.
I think somebody made either a zero-class tai-tai trailer or Donald Trump has just been turned into a woman. Or could this be another Melissa McCarthy bad hair day after her horrible poofy wig in Spy earlier this year?
With Horrible Wig No. 2, which makes her look like the mamasan wife of a crooked television evangelist, McCarthy plays Michelle Darnell (above right), a brash, big-talking Trump-class business big shot who has just been released from prison for insider trading a la Martha Stewart.
She aims to reclaim her "wealthiest woman in America" empire by selling brownies, presumably like Big Macs, with the help of her harried assistant (Kristen Bell, above left) and a bunch of schoolgirls, armed with a very persuasive sales pitch of "Buy my brownies or I'll kill you".
I kept thinking this been-thereseen-that clip would really make people laugh, oh, about 10 years ago, right at the time it stages a big Anchorman-style fight on the streets, with girls.
I hate to sound sexist here, but what this girl time needs is some serious guy fun. Somebody call The Donald. He is doing everything McCarthy is doing here. And is much funnier.
Tay Yek Keak