HAIL, CAESAR!

During the making of a 1950s movie that looks like a cheesy super-bloated "biggest release of the year" gladiator epic, George Clooney hams it up as actor Baird Whitlock in a ridiculous Roman emperor costume before he is kidnapped.

The star-studded cast of this screwball comedy also includes Josh Brolin as a Hollywood fixer, Scarlett Johansson as a smiling mermaid and Channing Tatum as a dancing Gene Kelly wannabe.

Can you imagine the astronomical cast wages? Actually, I think that came up to a grand total of 10 bucks because everybody wants to work for the acclaimed Coen brothers for free, right?

TRIPLE 9

Did somebody put the Joker from The Dark Knight in charge of this dark crime thriller?

Everybody is shooting at everybody else like lunatics and heads get blown off.

The unsmiling cast - Casey Affleck, Aaron Paul, Anthony Mackie, Woody Harrelson and The Walking Dead's resident fleabag Norman Reedus - look like they were fished out of a cesspool.

Kate Winslet pops up as a cruel mob bada** snuffing out terrified saps in a car boot.

Her transformation is, pardon me, titanic.

"Your job - out-monster the monster," head cop Harrelson tells rookie cop Affleck.

Man, this sure as heck isn't Singapore's lame 1990s cop series of the same name starring James "Remember him?" Lye.

Tay Yek Keak