Hollywood lessons David Beckham can learn: Don't speak too much, don't be sexy

Former footballer David Beckham and his son Romeo on Centre Court at the Wimbledon Tennis Championships in London, July 8, 2015.
Former footballer David Beckham and his son Romeo on Centre Court at the Wimbledon Tennis Championships in London, July 8, 2015. PHOTO: REUTERS

LONDON (THE GUARDIAN) - They're accustomed to obeying orders, gruelling preparations and faking emotion for the cameras, but the odds are very much stacked against the ex-footballer trying to make it in the movies.

Recent news that David Beckham is about to enter the thespian arena - via a cameo as a "grumpy knight" in Guy Ritchie's forthcoming King Arthur movie - fills one with particular trepidation, given the England hero's global celebrity and distinct lack of achievement in things that don't involve kicking a ball.

It's a 10-man-wall, stoppage-time free-kick of a challenge for Beckham, but here's a few things he could learn from those who've attempted the transfer before.

Don't speak too much

Movie directors want deep, velvety voices: George Clooney, say, or Jose Mourinho. If your voice is more like a Thames Estuary castrato, best not to expose audiences to it all at once. Beckham's voice has reportedly been getting deeper and posher over the years, in preparation for his screen career perhaps, but less is still more.

Don't be sexy

Stan Collymore's movie career took an even earlier bath than his footballing one, following his excruciating cameo in Basic Instinct 2, which saw him and Sharon Stone supposedly pleasuring each other in a fast car (and winding up at the bottom of the Thames as a result). If a script based on Calvin Klein underwear is pitched at you, Dave, don't even read it.

Be French

Eric Cantona: the footballer who actually pulled it off. But your former team-mate already had a penchant for philosophy, poetry and other cerebral pursuits, which paved the way for his casting in Elizabeth, Looking For Eric, The Salvation, etc. Other Frenchmen who made the leap include Frank LeBoeuf (who played a doctor in last year's The Theory of Everything), and Zinedine Zidane, who got his own art film.

Play yourself

Successful non-French footballers in movies have generally excelled at one role and one role only: themselves. Pelé and Bobby Moore even held their own against Hollywood heavyweights such as Sylvester Stallone in Escape To Victory. Admittedly, even the role of David Beckham looks to have been a challenge at times, but with enough preparation, and a script involving a well-groomed Arthurian central midfielder, Hollywood won't know what's hit them.