Want to get hitched? Focus on the 'why' first

Over the years, there have been more dating apps launched here than singles can sign up for.

Singles are spoilt for choice, with a plethora of events, networking sessions and speed dating activities provided by different vendors.

So, is it really a question of how to meet the opposite sex? Will building a "singles village" offer any real help to singles ("Build 'singles village' to help young people get hitched" by Mr Chua Boon Hou ; March 16)?

As a relationship coach, I suggest that singles focus on the most important question: Why do they want to get hitched?

Without a clear understanding of the "why", singles attending one activity after another will be engaging only in a wild goose chase, without finding their Mr or Ms Right.

I have seen many singles who were abused emotionally during their childhood playing the same patterns when they became adults.

They are trying to fill a void that their father or mother failed to fill. The consequences could be disastrous, as they are easy prey for partners who are not sincere.

Many other singles face the dilemma of whether to build a relationship or a career first, or try to achieve both simultaneously.

Love has been overdramatised in movies and soap operas. Hence, many singles cling to an illusory model and become disillusioned in the course of searching for their "perfect" partner. But love begins with the self, and one has to be filled with love before one can have loving actions, affection and compassion to share with others.

Chua Chee Siong

A version of this article appeared in the print edition of The Straits Times on March 26, 2016, with the headline 'Want to get hitched? Focus on the 'why' first'. Print Edition | Subscribe