The contributors to this column are: (Clockwise from left) Ms Jeanine Tan, Ms Sylvy Soh, Ms Khoo Li Ying, Ms Stephanie Pee and Mr Aloysius Yap.

Fast-paced haircuts

WHEN our locks are getting longer than desired and we're pressed for time, don't we all want to get haircuts that are done quickly and efficiently in a clean, hygienic environment?

We know we do, so we think it's fantastic that this place offers speedy haircuts.

However, although this hair salon might understand customers' needs, perhaps it would be best if it gives its sign a once-over and revises it to say: 'Quick and hygienic.'

We don't want to spend more time than we want, and tearing our hair out, trying to decipher what it means.

The innocence of childhood

IMAGINE you are a five-year-old child who has just spent the last hour digging a large hole in a sandbox, when you hear a shriek coming from behind you.

It is your mother. She grabs you by the ear and exclaims: 'Look at you! You're filthy! Wait you get worms I don't know ah!'

'Huh?' you blurt. 'That makes no sense at all. My kindergarten teacher says that the correct way should be to say something like 'You'll really be in trouble if you get worms' or 'Don't come crying to me if you get sick'.'

Your mother narrows her eyes, and fear runs down your little spine when you spot the threatening glint in her eye as she evenly asks: 'And did she tell you to talk back to your mother too?'

And with one swift action, your mother grabs and drops you into the hole you just dug for yourself.

Goodbye, farewell

WELL, folks, this is it. The last English As It Is Broken column. It's been a roller coaster ride answering your queries and (hopefully) tickling your funny bone at the same time.

But fret not.

You can still send your queries to Stomp at the number and email listed below and head to www.stomp.com.sg to check out the regularly updated online edition of English As It Is Broken.

HOW TO SEND IN YOUR QUERIES
Please use the keyword SMS/MMS: 75557
Email: 75557@stomp.com.sg