SAN FRANCISCO - WAH Cheong, a lifelong Republican and the soon-to-be divorced father of two teenage boys, sometimes surprises his co-workers and neighbors in a relatively conservative community outside San Francisco when he says he supports same-sex marriage.
MIXED-ORIENTATION MARRIAGES
TO BE sure, not all mates who discover they are in what has become known as 'mixed-orientation marriages' are so sanguine.
Cheong, who was married for more than 17 years when his wife told him she thought she was a lesbian, said he knows other straight spouses who voted for California's same-sex marriage ban 'out of spite for their ex's, nothing else.'
'Here is my situation,' the 47-year-old chemical engineer tells them when the hot-button topic comes up. 'If gays and lesbians were more accepted, I wouldn't have married a closeted lesbian.' Silence usually follows. Then, a spark of understanding.
Of all the constituency groups that advocate allowing gay couples to wed, none is perhaps more counterintuitive than the heterosexual spouses of gay men and lesbians.
Yet as the issue plays out in the nation's courtrooms and statehouses, some of the wives and husbands who learned that their partner was attracted to other women or men are making their voices known in the often-polarized debate.
'We are the unacknowledged victims of the victims of homophobia,' said Amity Pierce Buxton, the founder of the Straight Spouse Network, a New Jersey-based support and advocacy group with 52 US chapters.
'When gays and lesbians feel they have to get married to be accepted and to have kids, that hurts not only gays and lesbians, but straight spouses and kids.'
The board of the volunteer-run organization, which claims thousands of participants, has adopted a policy of opposing laws that limit marriage to a man and a woman. Last fall, as California voters considered whether to amend the state Constitution to outlaw same-sex marriages, Buxton, 80, who lives in Oakland, wrote an impassioned opinion piece arguing against Proposition 8.
Some network participants have marched in gay pride parades, tried to persuade church groups that the Bible should not be used to justify anti-gay attitudes, and met with groups of gay fathers struggling to stay on good terms with their ex-wives.
Others have expressed their views on talk shows when married politicians like former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey come out or are outed, or just quietly shared their perspectives in hope of changing a few minds. -- AP
