Just let your parents help you find a date? Let's be more pro-active
By
Jessica Lim
SO IT has come to this: men and women brandishing graduation photographs and CVs at Speakers' Corner, fervently looking for love - for their unwed and date-less children, that is.
One picky mother sought a suitor who was at least four years older and 1.76m tall. This, unbeknown to her 1.68m-tall daughter. Another mum was less fussy. She made confetti of her 30-year-old workaholic son's business cards; he himself, she lamented, 'never had a girlfriend' and 'seldom goes out'.
That scene unfurled at the first parents' mass matchmaking session last week, organised by a local dating agency after Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong recently suggested 'parents could help'.
But, I wonder, how passive can my generation get?
Sure, it makes sense for parents to take some interest in their children's lives, but to this extent?
It's bad enough that Asian parents already have such a huge say in how we operate.
Typically cloying, one friend's mother still buys him clothes. Another friend I know is unhappily married to a man only because her mother upholds him as 'stable, kind and a good catch'.
At the rate we're going, young adults might well be looking for step-by-step manuals from their parents to get them through their wedding nights.
What gives?
Well, some of my friends moan that they don't go on dates because they lack time.
Another reason: near-paralytic levels of fear at the notion of possible rejection or, worse, the pregnant pause.
A date-less friend of mine recounted the time when he and his date 'just sat there and stared at each other'.
'I said her hair was nice. But then, after that, it was so quiet I could hear her chewing. It was so painful,' he confessed.
Far easier for us, it would seem, to immerse ourselves in less risky pursuits.
Better to gun for the fast track, lose ourselves in our careers, and fight the good fight in the so-called 'talent wars', showing off to big businesses keen to promote motivated fresh graduates through the ranks.
But in morphing into outstanding technocrats aiming for that six-figure salary before the age of 30, I wonder, have we lost our edge in other matters - especially social skills?
Don't get me wrong. I am not against parents lending a hand. Arranged marriages have always existed, with matches made for any number of reasons.
I will also be the first to admit that if single, I would say yes to a blind date set up by my mother.
She is likely, after all, to be the most reliable source among a myriad of options, including introductions by friends, dating agencies and Internet date-making sites.
But when it comes to matrimony, it's time young adults apply the same verve they show towards their careers: Get pro-active already.
Mr J.M. Kearns, the Canadian-born author of best-selling self-help book Why Mr Right Can't Find You, puts it best.
'The No. 1 myth is that of destiny, of Sleeping Beauty,' he said. 'Women think what they should do is get their make-up just right and then fall asleep for 100 years. That's the way to find the perfect guy.'
This, I suspect (minus the make-up), goes for men too.
So, sure, when you get intoxicated and can't steer straight - especially when romantic notions of marriage entice you to settle for someone less than Prince Charming - get a designated driver.
Just remember.
Some help is good, just as long as it is you who's driving - most of the time.
